On Maintaining Weight Loss

Since 2013, I have embarked on a weight loss journey. All my life I've had an unhealthy relationship with food. When I was younger I would eat so much I would throw up after dinner. In high school, my weight yo-yo'ed a lot to +/- 10 pounds. In uni I had horrible food habits which I did not realize were that bad. I would eat very little but my diet basically consisted of Tim Horton’s bagels. Despite the weight gain, I was never self-conscious about my size. I would skip breakfast and lunch and have a bagel in the afternoon and a bagel at night with coffee. I never even liked the taste of coffee but I felt I had to drink it to help me stay awake. I have always been chubby and with my shape, it's hard to skinny. I have wide hips and ginormous boobs (34HH now) but a smaller waist which you can't really tell since my boobs protrude out so much.

By my second year of university, I had deleted all social media so I rarely saw pictures of myself on a screen and was in denial about my weight gain. It wasn't until my third year that I went on a trip with my mom to Greece and saw the pictures that I realised I had put on at least 30 pounds. This may seem insane but I honestly did not realise I was gaining weight. I would squeeze my body into Medium sized clothing and in my head I looked cute. And I was. My winged eyeliner game was very strong and I wore red lipstick to all my classes. I was feeling myself. In my head I was the same weight as in high school. Now 30 pounds is not an alarming amount of weight. Maybe others could get away with this but weight gain is very visible on me. I am also short so it looked like I had doubled in size.